I am weird...

I have these moods with wild swings. I float in vibes. I live in moments. And things just hit me at times. And when I feel something, I become that person. So I might be laughing with people in a group. And suddenly, something will hit me. And then I will be lost in my head. My whole energy will change. It will be as if lightning has struck me. It happens. I have gone into mini-breaks from people, all of them. I give no warning. I just cut off, and I disappear. It’s not like I don’t care about people in my life. But I just have to shut everything and everyone and be my own person with myself. I am like that. I don’t want people to depend on me, always. I am not that perfect to be available to all of them all the time. I am weird. I have scars. I have fears. I have quirks. And I can’t explain why I do the things I do. I don’t want to hurt others. In fact, I withdraw from people because I don’t want to hurt them. I might trouble them with my action or words when I am hurting. So it’s better to leave than to hurt people I care about.

But that’s when I become rude to so many people. They want to be with me, all the time, like a normal person, like in normal relations. That’s where the fight happens. I am not normal. I am weird. I have a different perspective on life. I feel things differently. For me, life is not only about people. There is so much more to life that I want to live and experience. And for that, I need my me time. I need to float in my own vacuum with my soul feeling free. So I have to let go of people from time to time. I don’t abandon them. I just take a break. But that creates a mess. And I get sick of that mess. Why can’t we have time of our own? Why so much insecurity? Why so needy, always? Don’t you trust me? I am not quitting on you. I just want to cleanse my soiled soul. But these are too heavy words for people. They don’t get it. They just want me to talk about everything that I do or feel, daily, like a robot. But I am not that person. I can’t be like others. That’s why I stay alone. Because I understand myself. Maybe, only I understand myself.